Nursing Home or Home?

This journey started around 10 years ago. My mother got sick first, falling at her door while home alone. My dad was out of town. I was home, 100 miles away. Luckily, I had children who lived close to where my mom lived. They found her. What a shock, to find ones grandmother on the floor of her house. I was called to come to the hospital, by my daughter. This was the beginning to the Nursing Home or Home question. Luckily, I discussed things like this with my mother.
For years after this, she fell. My father refused to let anyone take care of her. He could do this himself. He would call me all times of the night, "Mom fell and I can't get her up, will you come in?" My husband and I would come in to find mom on the floor. Let me explain.......my dad was athletic at the time, as well as a real go getter. He felt his wife was his responsibility, they didn't need help. This was the beginning to the journey from hell.
After a few years, dad started falling. He would be playing tennis and would fall on the court. He was smart, though. I asked him one time if he won many games. His reply was "Of course, do you think I am going to play against those who can beat me?" One day he came home bleeding. He tried to hide it, but was not able to since he was leaving a trail of blood. We fixed his leg and his arm for him, wiping away blood, noticing his onion thin skin. He was embarassed about this. We talked to him about our concerns regarding his continuing tennis. He is a stubborn man!! He did continue until falling was a regular part of his game. He ceased playing tennis !!
During the above period, mom was in and out of the hospital. She would fall, and have small strokes. The medical team at the hospital would remember her last visit, encouraging me to place her in a nursing home unless my dad would agree to help in the house. I would find help, and he would fire help. This went on for a few years. There were alot of tears on my part, seeing this happening. You are never prepared for this!
After mom had her colonoscopy in 2001, we discovered she had cancer of the colon. Surgery was imperative. Mom was a trooper! She tried to comply with the therapies after the surgery, but was not able to. She was in pain. Alot of pain. The medical team encouraged me to place her in a nursing home. I would refuse. I would find help at the house. This time, I explained to the help if dad tried to fire them, they were to call me. He did try to fire them. I was alerted, after the fact. He would only keep one lady, said the rest slept.
We finally discussed his allowing someone to come to the house during the night to help with mom. He said "when we are sick, we will consider it"
My dad started to get worse, wasn't going to play tennis, and other things. He didn't say anything to anyone, just would not go. He was starting to go to meetings about Alzheimers Disease, on the pretense that mom has the disease. He also started taking mother to many doctors, for the same thing. She was getting medications from all the doctors, who were treating the same symptoms. The doctors all thought they were the only ones treating the symptom. Then, dad started to play doctor with mom. He would put her on a medication then take her off of the medication. He doubled doses, and tripled doses. I would find out once she was taken to the hospital.
Finally, my daughter found a doctor who specializes in Geriatrics. Geriatricians are wonderful! They did a complete workup both physically and mentally on mom. At this time, we made the decision to make this moms primary physician. Funny thing is, dad had Durable Power of Attorney, and would do what we told him to do.
Now, he is also losing his short term memory. Dad hired anyone who came to the door. We had girls who stole from them, used credit cards to pay bills, and other things.
After a ring was stolen, causing my mom to have a major stroke, I took over the household. I encouraged them to put me as Durable Power of Attorney, which they did. I ended up with Medical Power of Attorney, HIPPA, and the Living Will. I was aware of the responsibility I was asking for.
During this period, my brothers decided they were going to place my parents in a nursing home. I have been fighting this battle for about 2 years now.
This blog will cover my experiences with different issues related to caring for parents. Nursing Home or Home?